"You said you'd be there for me
In times of trouble when I need you and I'm down
And likewise you need friendship
It's from my side pure love
but I see lately things have been changing
You have goals to achieve
But the roads you take are broad are heartless
That wants you make another way
You throw stones
Can you see that I am human I am breathing
But you don't give a damn
Can you feel my heart is beating
Can you see the pain you're causing
Can you feel my heart is beating
Can you see the pain you're causing
Blood blood blood...blood is rushing
[...]
Can you feel my heart beating
No no no...you don't"
Heartbeat by Nneka
...
In the last days I talked a lot about her again. I thought about I looked into her eyes and how she looked away in the beginning. I thought about the fact that we never kissed. Instead of that we made soft petting and called it "massages"... how "innocent" we were.
I miss the times when I sent her a text message and she answered me right away or talked with me on MSN when I was feeling bad.
Everything changed and it's not her fault. Everything I had is gone away and I know that I want it back. Badly. 
Today I said to a friend of mine, that I know that it would be perfect if she and I were together but that I don't want to hurt her again. And also I know that, me the foolish "artist", needs his pain to "live" in his work. So maybe this is destiny that it didn't work as well as I hoped it would. Maybe this is the "key to my art".
I miss her so much and I'm not able to talk to her. Last time I saw her, I just wanted to kiss her lips.
Last time I saw her, I wanted to talk about her boyfriend... she didn't. She just answered in short sentences. Her eyes showed insecureness. That made me happy in some way and it made me worried in even more ways.
I just hope that she is ok with him. I just hope that that motherf*ck*r is treating her the way she deserves.
I still love her. I STILL LOVE HER.
And she said it too (a couple of years ago)... "We were born for each others".
If it is true...let it be truth.
...
The Piano by PJ Harvey
Ich halte es für essentiell, dass du einen langen, großen Brief schreibst. Schreib alles rein, was du fühlst und denkst, wie es dir ergangen ist in den letzten Jahren. Schreibe dir alles von der Seele, aber noch viel wichtiger ist: Schicke es ab! Mein Lieber Alexandre, wie lange noch willst du den Dreck mit dir rumtragen? Wie lange willst du noch von Destiny und Artistic Pain sprechen?! Es muss raus, mach dich frei. Deine Seele steht über deiner Musik, du brauchst diesen Schmerz nicht und ich liebe dich viel zu sehr, als dass ich zulassen würde, dass du dir damit dein eigenes Grab schaufelst. Leg sie bitte ab, deine Kohlenmaske.
ReplyDeletethat "petting" word, you learned with me, hum? =P
ReplyDeletelove you darling. you, maria, and our beautiful beautiful children.
xxx
hey, dont you cheat on me with that beautiful girl up there, will ya? ;)
ReplyDeleteknug. huge knud..
ReplyDeletenot being able to reach what we need and want.. we should..
hdl